Tuesday, May 30, 2023

Memorial Day "invocation" for the city of Fountain, CO May 2023

"Thank you, Mayor Thompson, for the invitation to provide this morning’s invocation.

Thank you all for welcoming me and so many others to this commemoration.


**We come here today from many places and by many paths. Yet we all cherish certain shared ideals that draw us together in this community for the common good of all people of this diverse city we call our home.


Today we honor the sacrifices of service members who paid for our freedom by giving their lives in defense of something greater than themselves, this complex/abstract notion of freedom and democracy.


Renown journalist Dan Rather reminds us to “honor not only those who died on duty, but [also] those who came home broken, to a community that is still struggling to learn how to care for them…”


While many do not lose their lives in the combat zone, my own father was never able to fully live life after Vietnam, after Agent Orange exposure and extreme trauma…trauma expert Dr. Gabor Mate and others explain that “trauma isn’t what happened to you; it is what happened in your brain.”


Former director of communications at the American Humanist Association recently described that her father:

“arrived home from the brutality of the Vietnam war with intense and complex post traumatic stress disorder. With no social or psychological safety nets for veterans, especially working poor, African American veterans, my father found relief in cannabis, narcotics, and alcohol."


Congressional candidate David Torres has stated “their service didn’t end on the battlefield; it carries with it unique challenges that persist into civilian life.”


As a veteran doing trauma work for over 2 years now, the more I learn about how I got to where I am today, the more I realize that so many veterans who came before me, like my father, and so many who come after me, live with brain injury that occurred while serving our nation.


My own father lived for 45 years after leaving Vietnam, enduring the long term affects…and society is only starting to understand the neurological components of trauma.

Memorial Day is not only a time for reflection; it is a time for action. Let us use this day to reaffirm our commitment to those who come home alive, with a diminished quality of life. In our All American City, we share a common humanity; what does it mean to receive the All American City award? To BE an All American City?


According to the National Civic League:

Engaged residents    shared vision & values a culture of engagement

Authentic communication collaborative institutions inclusive community leadership

        And embracing diversity and equity.


How does this relate to Memorial Day?


Leadership encourages all residents to participate; thank you, once again, Mayor Thompson for inviting me to speak today. We see leadership in Councilmember Duncan’s efforts to engage our youth in the civic process. We observe this leadership in all the public meetings and events in the city of Fountain.


I had the incredible honor of becoming acquainted with Roland Durden, one of our first Montford Point Marines. Though Roland did not die in battle, he and others came home to a sometimes-hostile society. He had the shared trauma of war, which continued into civilian life. This makes it challenging to truly live and enjoy the freedom our society claims to cherish, because managing trauma is not simple.


Today, Memorial Day 2023, in this All American City, I ask that everyone find a way to take action; on this solemn day, let us honor those who have sacrificed, but let us also commit to creating a future where all veterans and their families, including Gold Star families, can thrive.

I wonder, what can we create, here in this All American City, to care for the needs of veterans and their families, those whose names we may not know, but to whom we owe not just gratitude, but action. Can we celebrate their lives while also supporting Gold Star families, living but traumatized veterans and their families?


Can we, in this All American City, honor their service with action?


Let’s take this moment to emphasize not loss, but to celebrate freedom resulting from the sacrifices of those who served.


In his book What Unites Us, Journalist Dan Rather states

“When I was young, we heard often of how the United States was a great melting pot. It is a fine metaphor as far as it goes. But inclusion, not assimilation, should be the key concept in seeking, ever seeking, a more perfect national union. Our own history has shown that we are stronger as a mosaic than a melting pot. Our nation [and indeed, our All American City], is bound together more by ideals than by blood or land, and inclusion is in our cultural DNA.”

*Let us honor the memory and diversity of those who passed and the sacrifice of those still living.


*Let us confront the voices of intolerance and come to terms with our own complicity in condoning the divisions in our society.


*We have seen that progress is possible, within ourselves and the nation at large. But it requires perseverance, hard work, and a commitment to respect the dignity and humanity of all who call America home… who call Fountain home.


Journalist Dan Rather emphasizes that service can come in many forms. As we renew our commitment to action, as we continue our Memorial Day activities, consider taking action by serving on a board or commission, volunteering with a nearby nonprofit organization or groups of individuals simply paying it forward.


In closing, I’d like to share a statement from Americans United for Separation of Church and State, and a thought truly honoring the diversity that is our military institution:


We come here to do the business of local government – the deliberative body that is closest to the people. As we gather, we are reminded that in our differences there is great strength. We do not all think the same way or believe the same things. Yet we are linked by our common humanity and our shared origin. When we work together to move our community forward in a spirit of mutual respect and common decency, we showcase what is best about our community, our state, and our nation. We embrace many traditions. We are Christians, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, humanists, atheists, agnostics, Wiccans, Pagans, unaffiliated, uncertain, and so many other things. We are straight, gay, and transgender. We are young and old and everything in between. We represent dozens of races and nationalities. We run the gamut from liberal to conservative, and some of us are a bit of both. To be sure, we do not agree about everything. And we often feel fiercely protective of what we do believe. There is great passion in our beliefs—and rightly so. But there is one thing on which we all agree: We share the goal of making our community the best place it can be. We unite here today around that noble aim and common purpose.


Thank you-I wish you all a peaceful Memorial Day."




*excerpted and modified from unknown. will post as soon as located

**excerpt from Rabbi Binyamin Biber’s invocation to the Maryland State Senate Session on March 6th, 2008. Retrieved from A Handbook for Celebrants, The Humanist Society, Interim Version 10, May 2013.

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Eulogy for Cheri

Eulogy for Cheri

January 13, 2007

I was surprised when Paula and Keith invited me to speak this morning, after all these years. I am honored. Humbled. 

When I left Manitowoc after high school, I left this place to begin a new chapter in my life. It is my burden now, as I realize that I never said thank you. I never said I love you.

But we came here to celebrate her life, and we have to ask what Cheri would want for us right now. I think she would want us to heal ourselves and move on, knowing that death is but another journey, one she has embarked on before us. Rather than mourn her death, she would want us to celebrate her life.

I am reminded of a quote: "People don't make our lives. Loving them does." The act of loving them. What do we do to make someone love us?

Cheri was my rock - a foundation during a time when nothing seemed right. Though, Cheri was an informal personality, she was a perfectionist. Now, you might think that means she was critical, always searching for errors, bur you would be wrong. Over time, you would learn that she simply had the same standard for all the world around her, which is to say, "high."

With Cheri, what you saw was what you got. She lived without pretense; she was a "cards-on-the-table" sort of person. That said, Cheri wanted the best for her family, and had high expectations of us all. She did, however, understand our family's idiosyncrasies, our quirks, but was, never-the-less, inherently devoted to family.

Cheri was always firm, resolute, sometimes outraged, but rarely sad. And she was passionate. Passionate about her family. Passionate about her beliefs. Passionate about her sense of being. As a result, you knew you were loved. It meant knowing she would always support you, even when she didn't agree with you. It meant knowing that she expected the best of you, yet still allowed you to make your own, often necessary, mistakes.

Knowing her as my aunt, I learned that she was a good friend to have. She was so much more: a best friend, confidant, and big sister all rolled into one. Cheri clearly understood our individual uniqueness, talents, and needs, and gave us the freedom to grow in the direction of our choosing.

Being around Cheri was a feast for both the senses and the heart:

There were the sounds. Cheri was a 70's child (though I would not wish the 70's on any parent, she made it through ok). I remember one morning I was asleep on the couch after a night of partying. Cheri never told me what I could or could not do, but she could always convey when I had done something I knew I wasn't supposed to do. That morning, knowing I was likely hung over, she began her routine cleaning, vacuuming - to the very loud bass of Black Sabbath pounding the walls. I recall opening my eyes and looking at the fish tank. Even the fish were mocking me. They were swimming to the beat of the music!

There was her personality. Cheri grew up in a time of awakening and great turmoil in America. She was the embodiment of the liberation of the 60s & 70s. though she retained many of those ideals, she was still very private and self-conscious.

There was her home. Her surroundings. Cheri's home is a creative expression of who she is. I remember her kitchen decorated with a strawberry theme and themed Christmas trees over the years. One year there was a blue and silver Christmas tree. She did such fun and happy decorating for the holidays, just one of many traditions Cheri maintained.

Although we feel that what we've lost is tremendous: a wife, mother, grandmother, homemaker, colleague, and friend, what she gave us is immeasurable.

Paula, Keith, I can't imagine what it is like to lose someone you love that much. Know that you are not alone. She is with you. Be true to your own character and values, as she was to hers, and she will live on through you and in you.

To Cheri,
        You were my mentor and dear friend. You provided me with council and wisdom, yet helped me spread my own wings and fly. You encouraged me to succeed, and to pursue things that I didn't know were possible for myself. You are a definitive part of who I am today. 

        On a lighter, more musical, note:
I take great comfort in knowing that you are now soaring with the Eagles, without the annoyance of the typical, Bad Company. I am glad to know that the Doors have opened for you, with no Cheap Tricks, allowing you to rest in a place where an Electric Light Orchestra fills your days, the sound of Rolling Stones keeps you on beat, and your Sabbath is never Black. I hope the Old Time Rock continues to Roll your soul. Know that your spirit will continue to live on in all of us, down here, among the Earth, Wind & Fire of the living. 

Friday, May 30, 2014

Celtic "prayer" -usable for secular purposes? easily modifyable

this is easily modifiable:

May you be poor in misfortune,
rich in blessings,
slow to make enemies,
quick to make friends.
But, rich or poor, quick or slow,
may you know nothing but happiness
from this day forward.

for example:

May you be poor in misfortune,
rich in all the good things life has to offer,
slow to make enemies,
quick to make friends.
But, rich or poor, quick or slow,
may you know nothing but happiness
from this day forward.

secular sample invocation suitable for govt meetings by Americans United for Separation of Church and State

Their response to the supreme court ruling re: Greece, NY, AU came up with a terrific sample invocation that can be modified by people to use at their own state and local meetings and government proceedings if desired:

AMERICANS UNITED: OPERATION INCLUSION – SAMPLE INVOCATION


           We come here to do the business of local government – the deliberative body that is closest to the people. As we gather, we are reminded that in our differences there is great strength. We do not all think the same way or believe the same things. Yet we are linked by our common humanity and our shared origin. When we work together to move our community forward in a spirit of mutual respect and common decency, we showcase what is best about our community, our state, and our nation.

            We embrace many traditions. We are Christians, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, humanists, atheists, agnostics, Wiccans, Pagans, unaffiliated, uncertain, and so many other things. We are straight, gay, and transgender. We are young and old and everything in between. We represent dozens of races and nationalities. We run the gamut from liberal to conservative, and some of us are a bit of both.

            To be sure, we do not agree about everything. And we often feel fiercely protective of what we do believe. There is great passion in our beliefs—and rightly so. But there is one thing on which we all agree: We share the goal of making our community the best place it can be. We unite here today around that noble aim and common purpose.



you can download a PDF of this here:

https://au.org/files/pdf_documents/OI-SampleInvocation-1.pdf

If you have trouble with the PDF link, you can access the sample secular invocation here:

https://au.org/content/operation-inclusion-action-kit

Monday, May 5, 2014

Great source of secular invocations

Defining what is an invocation and what an invocation's purpose is can be helpful in creating one. Here is a link to the American Humanist Association's Secular Invocation resource page:

http://humanist-society.org/invocations/resouces/

You will find video and transcripts of several example invocations:

"Juan Mendez, member of the Arizona House of Representatives, delivered a humanist invocation to the Arizona House of Representatives on May 21, 2013."

"Robert Ray, president of The Humanists of the North Puget Sound and humanist celebrant, gave the first ever Humanist opening invocation at the Oak Harbor city council meeting on February 4, 2014."

This invocation given right here in Colorado, which I mentioned in another blog post:

"Joe Alaimo of the Western Colorado Atheists & Freethinkers delivered the first non-denominational invocation to the Grand Junction City Council on January 5, 2011."

and finally, a link to an article and an invocation by Herb Silverman who delivered a humanist invocation to the Charleston City Council in 2003: http://secularseasons.org/celebrations/graces.html#invocation

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Civil Union Ceremonies-Colorado Springs 1 May 2013

Colorado Civil Unions

Join us to celebrate the passage of civil unions in Colorado. Starting May 1, committed couples will be able to legally apply for civil unions licenses for the first time in state history.

Ceremonies: 6:00pm at City Hall (107 N. Nevada Ave.)
Community reception: 7:00pm at the Underground (110 N. Nevada Ave.)

To celebrate this victory in Colorado Springs, we'll be holding civil union ceremonies on the stairs of City Hall, with Rev. Nori Rost of All Souls Unitarian Universalist Church and Rev. Wes Mullins of Pikes Peak Metropolitan Community Church. Afterwards, we'll gather across the street at the Underground for a community reception, some cake, music, and a celebration of civil unions.

All are welcome at both events and encouraged to celebrate this huge victory with their friends, family, loved ones, and the LGBTQA community.

if you are interested in getting a civil union at this event please contact Jessie Pocock at jessiep@one-colorado.org.


Sunday, March 17, 2013

Non-religious wedding ceremony (created for my father's wedding) (see end for completely secular suggested changes)



Text in bold or parentheses are instructions and will not be read out loud.
text in green is easily modifyable for your completely secular service-sample recreated at the end of this post 
Prologue & welcome: (groom, best man & ring bearer ready at the stage, bride’s son walks her to the stage and stays until he gives her away)
Friends and family,
We welcome you all as we celebrate the love and life, the joining of two hearts as they unite their lives and blend their families.
Love organizes our sometimes unpredictable world, enshrining our human experience.  Love is the basis for peace of family, the greatest give bestowed on us.
Here, _____ and _____ dedicate themselves to the happiness and well-being of each other.  They have promised themselves to each other in their hearts and we are blessed to be witness to this special moment in their lives.
_____ and _____ are not beginners in life; they have each had a lifetime with experiences of pain and pleasure, joy and agony, of discovery and growth.  In marriage, two people turn to each other in search of greater fulfillment than they can achieve alone.  Marriage is a bold step taken together, toward an uncertain future.  Only in giving of ourselves fully, sharing our lives with another, can the mysterious process of growth take place.  These two come together now to declare their love and be united in marriage.
The words we say today have no magic or special powers; the power of wedding vows is merely a reflection of what exists in the hearts and spirits of these two people.  Nothing I can say, and nothing you can say will ensure a happy, satisfying and committed marriage.  Only your love for one another and your commitment can ensure a happy and satisfying marriage.
Family blessing:
What ______ and ______ do here affects the lives of others almost as profoundly as it affects their own lives.  They each have families whose lives will be entwined and with whom they will embark on this new adventure.
May the spirit of light honor and protect this union and bless these families with all that serves their highest good.  
May all that is noble and true guide these families as they move forward together, united by the love of _____ and _____.
May we always appreciate our family and friends and remember those who are alone and those who have passed on before us.
May these two families come together, and always find strength and courage in their hearts and in each other. 
Let blessings rest especially on the children for whom this is a new chapter in life.  May they soon grow within the love and security of their new relationships and in the embrace of _____ and _____’s love.
Giving of the bride:
Who gives this woman to be married to this man?
          bride’s son: “her son and daughter and grandchildren” (I don’t yet know what her son’s response will be)
(bride’s son can go sit down)
Blessing of the rings:
Please hold the rings forward: (ring bearer stands between bride and groom and holds the ring-pillow up)
These rings are simple, like your plan for your lives and happiness.  They are unbroken, like the ages they represent.  These rings are a symbol of the responsibilities you share in the bond of marriage.  They are a visible reminder that what you have promised, you will do.  May they become a living reminder of the simple, unbroken and valuable love you share.  They are a tangible symbol that you are pledged together and committed to one another for life.  We ask that nothing complicate, break, or devalue that love, that your love remains always as strong as the ring.  We ask that when _____ and _____ look on these symbols of affection, they remember this moment, this company of witnesses, family and friends who are blessing their lives, surrounding them with love, light and happiness.
(bride & groom take their rings and the ring bearer returns to original spot)
All of you who witness these vows, will you do all in your power to support and uphold these two persons in their marriage? If so, please indicate with “We will.”
Vows/ring exchange
_____ and _____, please face each other and join hands.
_____, repeat after me:
I, _____ ______, take you, ____ _____, for my lawfully wedded wife.  I promise to love you and care for you for the rest of my life.  As long as God gives me strength, I will do all in my power to make you happy and share all blessings.  I marry you because your spirit makes me whole.
_____, repeat after me:
I, _____ ________, take you, _____ ______, for my lawfully wedded husband.  I promise to love you and care for you for the rest of my life.  As long as God gives me strength, I will do all in my power to make you happy and share all blessings.  I marry you because your spirit makes me whole.
(Ring exchange)
_____, please place on _____'s finger the ring you give her as a symbol of your devotion to her, and, looking her in the eyes, repeat after me:
_____, I give you this ring as a symbol of my love.  May it always serve as a symbol of my fidelity and commitment.  I intend the love I have for you now to be only the beginning of the love I will have for you as time passes.  I promise to share my life with you, whatever the future holds.  I will comfort you, confide in you, and journey with you from this day forth.
_____, please place on _____’s finger the ring you give him as a symbol of your devotion to him, and, looking in his eyes, repeat after me:
_____, I give you this ring as a symbol of my love.  May it always serve as a symbol of my fidelity and commitment.  I intend the love I have for you now to be only the beginning of the love I will have for you as time passes.  I promise to share my life with you, whatever the future holds.  I will comfort you, confide in you, and journey with you from this day forth.
Pronouncement:
_____ and _____, you have found each other in the afternoon of your lives, but you will still teach each other to see new things in this union of your hearts and spirits.  YOU are a miracle to one another.  Nurture the miracle of your love.  May it never fade, but only blossom in the years ahead. 
I declare you husband and wife.  You may seal your marriage with a kiss.
Benedicto: by Edward Abbey
“May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. May your rivers flow without end, meandering through pastoral valleys tinkling with bells, past temples and castles and poets' towers into a dark primeval forest where tigers belch and monkeys howl, through miasmal and mysterious swamps and down into a desert of red rock, blue mesas, domes and pinnacles and grottos of endless stone, and down again into a deep vast ancient unknown chasm where bars of sunlight blaze on profiled cliffs, where deer walk across the white sand beaches, where storms come and go as lightning clangs upon the high crags, where something strange and more beautiful and more full of wonder than your deepest dreams waits for you – beyond that next turning of the canyon walls.”
Family and friends, I am honored and humbled to present Mr. and Mrs. _____ and _____ ________. 

~thank you to those sources I used to to create this ceremony:

-quote from Edward Abbey (author)

Books:
-The Wedding Professional, Universal Ministries, Milford, IL.
-A Humanist Wedding Service, Corliss Lamont
-Baker's Wedding Handbook, Resources for Pastors, Paul Engle (Editor) 
-A Contemporary Handbook for Weddings & Funerals and other occasions, Aubrey Malphurs & Keith Willhite (editors) 
-Wedding Sermons and Marriage Ceremonies, Derl Keefer and Cheryl Rohret 
website: 
http://beautifulweddings4u.com/ceremonies.html#BLENDING_OF_FAMILIES


Modified version for completely secular ceremony with "nonsecular" words removed and suggested changes highlighted in green:



Friends and family,

We welcome you all as we celebrate the love and life, the joining of two hearts as they unite their lives and blend their families.

Love organizes our sometimes unpredictable world, enshrining our human experience.  Love is the basis for peace of family, the greatest give bestowed on us.

Here, _____ and _____ dedicate themselves to the happiness and well-being of each other.  They have promised themselves to each other in their hearts and we are proud/honored to be witness to this special moment in their lives.

_____ and _____ are not beginners in life; they have each had a lifetime with experiences of pain and pleasure, joy and agony, of discovery and growth.  In marriage, two people turn to each other in search of greater fulfillment than they can achieve alone.  Marriage is a bold step taken together, toward an uncertain future.  Only in giving of ourselves fully, sharing our lives with another, can the mysterious process of growth take place.  These two come together now to declare their love and be united in marriage.

The words we say today have no magic or special powers; the power of wedding vows is merely a reflection of what exists in the hearts and spirits of these two people.  Nothing I can say, and nothing you can say will ensure a happy, satisfying and committed marriage.  Only your love for one another and your commitment can ensure a happy and satisfying marriage.

Family commitment/devotion/celebration/dedication:

What ______ and ______ do here affects the lives of others almost as profoundly as it affects their own lives.  They each have families whose lives will be entwined and with whom they will embark on this new adventure.

May strength, courage and determination protect this union and favor, comfort and bring joy to these families with all that serves their highest good. 

May all that is noble and true guide these families as they move forward together, united by the love of _____ and _____.

May we always appreciate our family and friends and remember those who are alone and those who have passed on before us.

May these two families come together, and always find strength and courage in their hearts and in each other. 

We hope for happiness for the children for whom this is a new chapter in life.  May they soon grow within the love and security of their new relationships and in the embrace of _____ and _____’s love.

Giving of the bride:

Who gives this woman to be married to this man?

          bride’s son: “her son and daughter and grandchildren” (I don’t yet know what her son’s response will be)

(bride’s son can go sit down)

commitment/devotion/dedication of the rings:

Please hold the rings forward: (ring bearer stands between bride and groom and holds the ring-pillow up)

These rings are simple, like your plan for your lives and happiness.  They are unbroken, like the ages they represent.  These rings are a symbol of the responsibilities you share in the bond of marriage.  They are a visible reminder that what you have promised, you will do.  May they become a living reminder of the simple, unbroken and valuable love you share.  They are a tangible symbol that you are pledged together and committed to one another for life.  We ask that nothing complicate, break, or devalue that love, that your love remains always as strong as the ring.  We ask that when _____ and _____ look on these symbols of affection, they remember this moment, this company of witnesses, family and friends who are blessing their lives, surrounding them with love, light and happiness.

(bride& groom take their rings and the ring bearer returns to original spot)

All of you who witness these vows, will you do all in your power to support and uphold these two persons in their marriage? If so, please indicate with “We will.”

Vows/ring exchange

_____ and _____, please face each other and join hands.

_____, repeat after me:

I, _____ ______, take you, ____ _____, for my lawfully wedded wife.  I promise to love you and care for you for the rest of my life.  As long as I have strength, I will do all in my power to make you happy and share all good things.  I marry you because your spirit makes me whole.

_____, repeat after me:

I, _____ ________, take you, _____ ______, for my lawfully wedded husband.  I promise to love you and care for you for the rest of my life.  As long as God gives me strength, I will do all in my power to make you happy and share all blessings.  I marry you because your spirit makes me whole.

(Ring exchange)

_____, please place on _____'s finger the ring you give her as a symbol of your devotion to her, and, looking her in the eyes, repeat after me:

_____, I give you this ring as a symbol of my love.  May it always serve as a symbol of my fidelity and commitment.  I intend the love I have for you now to be only the beginning of the love I will have for you as time passes.  I promise to share my life with you, whatever the future holds.  I will comfort you, confide in you, and journey with you from this day forth.

_____, please place on _____’s finger the ring you give him as a symbol of your devotion to him, and, looking in his eyes, repeat after me:

_____, I give you this ring as a symbol of my love.  May it always serve as a symbol of my fidelity and commitment.  I intend the love I have for you now to be only the beginning of the love I will have for you as time passes.  I promise to share my life with you, whatever the future holds.  I will comfort you, confide in you, and journey with you from this day forth.

Pronouncement:

_____ and _____, you have found each other in the afternoon of your lives, but you will still teach each other to see new things in this union of your hearts and minds.  YOU are a miracle to one another.  Nurture the miracle of your love.  May it never fade, but only blossom in the years ahead. 

I declare you husband and wife.  You may seal your marriage with a kiss.